On love, life and relationships

Mitch Albom: Tuesdays with Morrie

” You know how I interpreted that? These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. They were embracing material things and expecting a sort of hug back. But it never works. You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.
Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness. I can tell you, as I’m sitting here dying, when you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feeling you’re looking for, no matter how much you have of them.”

“Giving to other people is what makes me feel alive. Not my car or my house. Not what I look like in the mirror. When I give my time, when I can make someone smile after they were feeling sad, it’s as close to healthy as I ever feel.
Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won’t be dissatisfied, you won’t be envious, you won’t be longing for somebody else’s things. On the contrary, you’ll be overwhelmed with what comes back.”

“Still,” he said, “there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don’t respect the other person, you’re going to have a lot of trouble. If you don’t know how to compromise, you’re going to have a lot of trouble. If you can’t talk openly about what goes on between you, you’re going to have a lot of trouble. And if you don’t have a common set of values in life, you’re going to have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.
And the biggest one of those values, Mitch?”
Yes?
“Your belief in the importance of your marriage.”

“In the beginning of life when we are infants, we need others to survive, right? And at the end of life when you get like me, you need others to survive, right?” His voice dropped to a whisper. “But here’s the secret: in between, we need others as well.”

“It’s not just other people we need to forgive, Mitch” he finally whispered. “We also need to forgive ourselves.”
Ourselves?
“Yes. For all the things we didn’t do. All the things we should have done. You can’t get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened. That doesn’t help you when you get to where I am.”

“As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still here. You live on – in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.
Death ends a life not a relationship.”

“There is no formula for relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like. In business people negotiate to win. They negotiate to get what they want. Maybe you’re too used to that. Love is different. Love is when you are as concerned about someone else’s situation as you are about your own.”